Moment of Advantage
by Confessed4Life
Summary: The past catches up with the Mother Confessor and in her journey to get through it, she turns to the one person who can comfort her.


"Kahlan?" His soft voice jarred her from her thoughts, making her turn her head toward him. "I'm sorry, I wanted to make sure that you were all right."

Nodding, she went back to pulling on her boots. Water still dripped down her skin, her bath having only ended a few minutes before. "I didn't mean to linger. I'm almost finished."

"You don't need to hurry. We set up camp in the North clearing."

Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. "What? I thought that we were going to keep going through the forest."

"It was getting dark, he said it would be safer to- What's wrong?" He was on his knees beside her, trying to take her hands into his.

"Nothing," she lied. "I just thought we would be moving through the night."

At last taking hold of her hands, he held them still, keeping her from having something to distract herself with. "Kahlan, what is it?"

"Nothing," she repeated once again.

"Don't do that. Please, just talk to me. What's wrong?"

Meeting his eyes, she have him her Confessor's face, knowing hat there was only a slight chance that he would be able to see past it. "I was hoping to keep moving."

"Why?"

"Richard-"

He was shaking his head, telling her that he wouldn't allow her to ignore the question. "When we entered the forest, you started to act differently. You've been out here for nearly two hours and your skin is red from scrubbing so hard." He sighed, leaning closer. "What is it about this land that makes you so uneasy?"

"We should get back."

He stopped her from standing, moving so that he crouched before her and blocked her escape. "Not until you-"

Kissing him, she pushed against him until he was on his back beneath her. This was the only way she could think of to keep him from asking her anymore questions. It was wrong, but she couldn't bear to tell him what was troubling her. As long as her lips were against his; her hands moving beneath the cotton of his shirt, there would be no talking and her words would not  
change the way he looked at her. She wanted nothing more than to tell him the truth, but to speak of it aloud was something that she had not done since she was a young girl. It shamed her.

His hands ran over her back, pulling her closer as he pushed up against her. Desire fueled within him, desperately seeking to be released. After a few minutes, she seemed to forget it all, her body rocking against his as though she held no fear within her. Without hesitation, he rolled over her, pushing against her perfect form as he frantically began lifting her dress. Trailing his lips over her jaw, he slowly ran his tongue down her neck, thrilled by the passionate moan that escaped her.

Pulling at his hair, she tried to stop him. Rubbing against her, he growled into her ear. "Richard," she panted in warning.

His eyes met hers, dark and hungry. "You started it." Dipping his head, he let his lips slide down her throat, igniting flames along her skin. "It would be a good idea to stop me now if you're going to," he murmured against the hollow at the base of her throat.

She didn't want to stop him. She never wanted him to take his lips from her skin, but she didn't want to hurt him. "We should get back before Zedd sends Cara after us."

Closing his eyes, he sighed with frustration and moved off of her. Falling onto his back, he took in a deep breath and tried to calm his racing heart while listening to her adjust her dress. The sound heated him further, making his desire grow as he began to realize how far they had gone. He could still feel the skin of her thigh against the palm of his hand, the softness that matched the sweet taste of her lips. He now wished he hadn't asked her to stop him. He would give his soul a thousand times to her without hesitation for just one night to show her his love.

"Kahlan," he spoke her name no louder than a whisper, knowing that she would hear it through a crowd. "You can talk to me."

Turning her head, she looked into his dark, passion filled eyes. "I know," she told him quietly, "but this isn't- I'm not ready to talk about this."

"All right." He watched as she stood and rubbed the palms of her hands down the front of her dress, needing to do something to feel calm. "I'm sorry that I pushed you."

She nodded and looked down at him for a moment. "The river's warm if you wanted to take some time."

"I'm not going to let you walk back alone."

******

It had been her watch for the past three hours and once she was sure that their friends were asleep, she went into the trees. When she returned, he was laying on his side, staring at her as she approached. He had known the instant she left and waited for her to return. Giving him a small nod, she told him that she was all right, though the red in her eyes and face told him otherwise. He could see the pain within her. There was something about this place that upset her in a way he hadn't seen before and he longed to comfort her.

Shoving his shoulder lightly, she whispered his name to wake him, looking around them to be sure she didn't wake the others. His eyes opened at once, finding hers in distress.

"What's wrong?"

"I- I need you."

Sitting up, he instantly pulled her into his arms. "I'm here," he whispered as she wrapped her arms around him. She held onto him tightly, her body as close to his as possible for the most comfort. "I'm right here."

Easing them down, he held her to his chest as his back once again made contact with with the cold ground. She was crying silently; if her tears weren't leaking through his shirt, he would have never known. He wished that she would talk to him, tell him what was so upsetting, but he couldn't push her again. He knew that if he tried, it may tear her away from him. Running his fingers through her hair, he brought her closer, making it seem as though they shared the same body.

"I never expected to go through here again."

"Kahlan, we could have-"

"I didn't want you to know."

His hold on her tightened instantly. "You don't have to tell me, Kahlan."

It was several minutes before he felt her racing heart calm as she slowly fell into a calming sleep. His shirt stuck to his skin beneath her head, the salty water from her tears having drenched the smooth fabric. Turning his head, he looked to where his friend slept. The blonde stared at them, knowing that he watch would come sooner than planned. Richard would never let go of the woman in his arms, his watch would now pass to the Mord'Sith.

******

He closed his eyes for a moment, but when he opened them, the sun was rising and his grandfather was staring at him. Shifting his body carefully, he moved himself from beneath her, easing her to the ground beside him with care not to wake her. Sitting forward, he laid a blanket over her, making sure she was warm without him. The wizard handed him a small bowl, breakfast still warm.

"I don't understand," he whispered to his grandfather.

Nodding, the older man sighed and moved closer to him. "Her mother was killed in these woods."

Tilting his head in confusion, Richard leaned away from the woman sleeping beside him. "What? I thought she died in the Confessor's Palace."

"No," Zedd said with a heavy breath. "They were traveling to Fayez for a confession when they were attacked."

"Kahlan was there?"

The concern and pain in his grandson's voice was impossible to miss even more so when he looked into his eyes. "She was. She watched her mother die." He sighed, looking into the low; dying fire before them. "I wish that was the worst of it."

Abandoning the bowl of food, he crawled closer to the other man and looked up for answers to the burning questions within him. "What happened?"

"She was taken for sport. The story was told to everyone who supported the Confessors; giving warning from those who fought against them. I never knew it was Kahlan until I saw her face as we came toward these woods."

Looking over his shoulder, he watched her sleep for a moment; taking comfort in her peaceful state. "Why would they do that? Her magic-"

"There is a lot you do not know about them. A young Confessor is considered to be the purest. They would have found great pride in taking her, destroying a part of her. Her magic would have been no match for their numbers. She could only confess one and would not be able to release it again until they had their fun."

"But the man she-"

"Would be killed instantly. They would not risk more of their men." Anger flooded through him, hatred for those who had touched her. "Have you wondered why she has reached her age without taking a mate?"

"What does that have-"

"When a Confessor becomes of age, she must take a mate. She must continue the line and fulfill her duty to her people."

"Kahlan never took a mate."

Zedd nodded as his grandson returned his eyes to his. "No, she didn't. A man was chosen, but she could not bear to have a man touch her. Her mind replaying what was done to her, she killed him the moment he touched her." A small smile came to his slender lips, knowing his next words would partly but the Seeker's mind and heart to ease. "You are the first man she has allowed to be near her. She trusts you."

"Why did you allow us to stay the night if you knew?"

"If the memory continues to haunt her, it jeopardizes everything. She must face her fear, move on and become stronger for it."

Richard shoved his knee in anger. "They killed her mother! Raped her!" His words were louder than be had intended, waking her. Once her eyes opened, he looked back to her in pain. "Kahlan-"

"Are we moving through now?"

He nodded his head and made his was back to her. "As soon as you're packed."

"I'm ready."

"Kahlan-"

She tore her eyes away from his and began folding his blanket. "We should get moving. The Keeper grows stronger every day."

"Where did it happen?" He had spoken the words without thought and caution, regretted almost as instantly as he had spoken.

"On the other side of the river, a few paces to the left between the oak and heavy brush." She didn't look up as she spoke, unable to meet his eyes after his question. "It was midday; the rain had just ended and the fresh scent of the forest was suddenly exchanged by the scent of three dozen men. I tried to stop them, ignored my mother's orders to run and hide." The forest around them was silent; the Mord'Sith too, had stopped her own actions to listen. "I tried to save her, but I couldn't. Unable to move, I watched the light fade from her eyes, her blood staining the grass beneath her."

She, at last, looked up and met his wet eyes with hers, emotionless. "When they were finished with me, they left me to die beside her." Taking a slow and deep breath, she turned her head away from them. "I should have died that day, some days I wish I had." Standing, she tossed his blanket to the ground before him and picked up her pack.

They were all silent as she walked into the trees, Richard fighting the urge to race after her. He stared at the spot she had been sitting in, imagining it all happening differently. He wanted to go back, pull her into his arms and tell her that it was all right; nothing like that would ever happen to her again. When he had first noticed her distress, he had never imagined something so terrible. Now he wished he had been paying more attention. Moving to his feet, he stuffed his blanket into his own pack and began walking after her.

"Richard, it's best to leave her for a while."

His grandfather's words stopped him for a moment. "She shouldn't be alone. And after realizing that is was her that suffered in this forest, you never should have allowed us to make camp here. I will not hurt her as you have." Before he had finished his words, he was walking again, hurrying after her.

******

She was where he thought she would be. The desire to comfort her becoming stronger as he walked the area she had spoken of. She was sitting in a patch of tall grass, surrounded by dirt alone. Her eyes were closed as her fingers gripped tightly at the straps of her travel pack. She knew he stood a few feet from her, but remained quiet. With one word, she would break completely.

If she were to open her eyes and see his, the tears would no longer remain hidden.

"She laid here for hours." Her soft voice tore through the silence as though it was a cry of battle. Looking up, Kahlan met his worried gaze and shook her head slowly. "They left here as though she was nothing. Her body so broken that I feared my touch would bring more harm, when all I wanted to do was lay in her arms once more. She told me to run, ordered me to get away and find help, but I-"

"Wouldn't leave your mother."

"Was a coward," she corrected him softly, bringing her eyes to the ground. "If I had run, I may have found help. If I had obeyed her, she may still be alive and I would not have to live with the knowledge that I helped those men kill her."

Coming closer, he knelt down a pace from her and waited for her to look at him. She didn't. "No. Kahlan, you didn't run because you were a coward. You may have been scared, but I know you. You wouldn't leave because if you had, you would never forgive yourself for abandoning her. You stayed, tried to save her. You stood against those men and you did your best and you gave your mother something to be proud of."

Her eyes lifted to his slowly in confusion. How could her mother be proud of her for failing to save her life? "You didn't run away and hide, Kahlan. You stayed and you fought as hard as you could. You refused to give up and the last thing you mother saw was you trying to free her. She was proud to have such a strong and brave daughter. One who thought more about the life of her mother than that of herself." He took her cheeks into his hands and pulled her to him. "You are not to blame for her death. You did nothing to aid those men."

"You weren't there," she said through a breathless cry. "If I had been stronger, if I had only gone for help, she may still be alive. I failed my mother."

"You were a child, a scared, brave and remarkable child. You helped her gain more moments of life."

"I watched her die..."

He had her pressed against him at once, his arms around her so tight that she couldn't pull away. She wasn't going to have this on her alone. Whatever he could do, he would do it. After a moment, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his neck. His scent was intoxicating, making her mind go blank for a moment. The comfort of his arms was something she wished would never end.

Moving back, she wiped her tears and tried to remove the sadness from her face, wishing that he wasn't able to see through her disguise. She could feel him watching her, waiting for something that she could not give him. What had happened to her mother was not something she could push away. She didn't think that it was possible to forget the smell, sounds and sight of the moments, but when he had held her, it all vanished. She longed to tell him, but it would give him the hope for a future that did not exist, not for them.

Returning to her previous position, she brought her travel pack to her chest and sighed. "Sometimes I can almost feel her beside me."

He smiled for a moment, knowing what she meant. "She's always with you, Kahlan. The people we love never leave us."

"They always leave," she said quietly. "It's inevitable."

"I'm not going to leave you."

She looked up, meeting his eyes at once. "Yes, you will."

Leaning forward, he took the pack from her hands and moved it behind him. He wanted her attention; he wanted to prove his words true to her. His hands cupped her cheeks gently; he had to shake the thoughts of the softness of her skin out of his mind as he moved closer. He could see her thoughts in her eyes, the fear, pain and a small glimmer of hope that she tried to push away.

"I'm not going to leave you." He gave her a small smile. "No matter how hard you push me. There is nothing in existence that could tear me away from you."

She stared into his brown eyes, reading him for the truth. "You shouldn't mean that."

"Why, because you're a Confessor? Or because those men raped you?" She remained silent, unable to form words after hearing him speak the others aloud. "Neither changes anything."

Pushing out of his grasp, she stood up and took a few steps back, moving out of the grass. "They should."

"Why?" He knew she didn't want him to push, but he wanted her to say it. He wanted to help her.

She was facing away from him, her heart racing wildly beneath her chest as she tried to keep from saying what was on her mind. "I'm a tainted monster," she whispered more to herself, but loud enough for him to hear it. "I can still remember their faces... Their smell, laugh and sometimes I can almost feel them again."

Standing up, he moved behind her, reluctantly laying his hands on her shoulders. He expected her to flinch or to pull away, but she didn't. She never did when it was him who touched her. "What happened to the men?"

"I don't know."

He moved closer. "Yes you do." Turning her, he held her in place, knowing that she would try to move away. "You never went after them did you?" Her silence answered for her, shocking him. "Why?"

"I never wanted to look into their eyes again."

"They- Kahlan, they deserve to be-"

"Punished?" she asked softly, tears still collecting and leaking as she stared at the blue fibers of his shirt. "I thought that too, for so long."

"Why didn't you-"

Their eyes locked and she took in a ragged breath. "Because the punishment that I wanted to give was not just."

He was filled with pride, anger and sorrow as he took in her words. The woman before him was always surprising him. "They deserved every punishment you could think of."

"They have families. If I was to take their lives, confess them, I would be no better than them."

"You will always be better than them." She stepped back, turning around to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "Kahlan?" Her head turned back to him as he touched her arm; once again, no flinch. "Zedd said that you- Did you try to take a mate?"

There was no emotion in his voice, but his eyes were filled. "Yes. It was my duty."

"What happened?"

"Nothing," she answered quickly. "When he came into my room, I couldn't do it."

"Why?"

She hesitated a moment, not wanting to tell him what had happened. "Because every time he touched me, I- His touch made me sick."

Closing the distance between them, he pinned her against the trunk of a Sequoia tree, her hair standing out against the red bark. His hands were holding onto her hips, his forehead pressed against hers, sharing each slow and ragged breath. "And mine?"

"Richard, please..." Her words trailed off into a low moan as his hands moved to her stomach and began making their way to her chest.

Kahlan pushed into him, grabbing his face as she connected their lips, her right leg lifting between his until it could rise no farther. Pulling him to her, she rocked against his leg, losing herself as he began lifting her dress. His hands were upon her at once, gliding over the soft skin of her thighs while becoming closer. The saltiness of her tears stained her cheeks and jaw, making his desire to comfort her rise as he tasted her pain. Running his tongue over her throat, he pushed his nose against the bottom of her chin, pushing until she gave another moan of pleasure.

She needed his skin against hers, the once soft satin of her Confessor's dress now burning her skin. Pulling at the lacing of her dress, she gave in, letting him lift her completely from the ground. He pushed her dress from her shoulders, following the fabric with his tongue and lips. Grabbing his shirt, she pulled it from him with a groan of discontent at the sudden space between them. He relished the feel of her corset against him, the top of her breasts grazing his chest as he moved closer. Entwining her fingers into his hair, she arched into his kisses, his lips at last finding her breasts.

"No!" Zedd shouted as he and Cara came through the trees. They froze at the sight before them. Richard's face pressed against the top of her breasts, her head thrown back against the tree with a consistent moan as she rocked against him. Neither moved as their friends hurried toward them.

Cara's leather covered hands grabbed the Seeker's shoulders, pulling him backward, bringing the Confessor to the ground with a hard thump.

"Cara!" Richard shouted as he moved to help Kahlan cover herself.

"Spirits, what are you thinking?!" The anger and disappointment in the wizard's voice was not missed, but both chose not to reply. There was nothing they could say that would make a difference in his mind. They had crossed the line that had been the only one drawn. "Get dressed." Grabbing his grandson's arm, he pulled him to his feet and shoved his shirt into his hands. He didn't look at him, the anger still burning as he looked to the Mord'Sith. "Help the Mother Confessor compose herself, we need to keep moving."

"No," Richard said, coming to a stop. "You don't understand."

"I do not need to understand. Had we been a few moments longer, she would have released her magic into you. You were to comfort her, not run your tongue over her skin."

"I'm not going to apologize for wanting to be with her, for-"

"Her dress was nearly to the ground and your desire for her still restrained in your pants. If we had not come, you would have been within her and everything would be lost. You risked everything to fill her; you will not be left alone again."

"You trust me to find the Stone of Tears; to save the world, but you refuse to let me make this decision on my own. You think that I am not capable, but Zedd, I love her. I risk nothing to be with her because everything that I am; that I do, it's all for her. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for her and even if neither of you see it, it won't stop me. Every moment I am breathing I will go to her, I will never stop loving her and your attempts to keep us apart will only end in failure." He turned around and met her eyes. He knew she was staring at him, he could almost hear her thoughts. "I welcome your magic to enter me."

"Richard-"

Walking toward her, he ignored the other's eyes on them. "It doesn't have to be now, I know how you feel and that is more than enough for me, but I never want us to be with anyone else. I am yours and I will-"

Her lips silenced his, connecting passionately as they had before. She believed him completely and the knowledge that she alone was enough for him, that was more than she could have ever dreamed. They would have the life they wanted, together.

Pulling back, she gave a quick and warm smile, taking his hand firmly in hers. "We should start moving. The Keeper mustn't grow stronger."

******The End******


End file.
